An Open Letter To Dog Owners

It is commendable that you have decided to provide a home for a dog.  Over a million dogs are euthanized each year and your dog has been spared this horrific fate.  Really, you are a lifesaver and a hero in my book!!!

What you may not be aware of, however, is that there are certain obligations that need to be met as a dog owner.  In addition to owning your dog, you are also the owner of the by-product of their bodily functions.  Whether your dog leaves behind Tootsie Rolls or corn cobs, it’s all yours, buddy. 

Where it doesn’t belong is on the bottom of my shoe, because that makes me have a very bad day.  It makes me think mean things about you.  It makes me entertain fantasies of revenge.  It kind of makes me want to punch you, especially when I’m using a toothbrush to clean out the tread in my tennis shoes.  Since I’ve committed to a life of non-violence, these feelings cause me a lot of internal strife.

If your dog is a male, there’s one other thing you should know.  You can train your dog the difference between man made substances and natural substances.  For example, the post at the front of the building is man made and is off limits.  The same thing holds true for cars in the parking lot.  Trees, bushes, tall grass?  Go for it!  These are found in nature and are the perfect place to leave some pee-mail!

Boy Dogs

Thank you again for caring enough to provide a home for a dog.  And thank you in advance for your cooperation in keeping the grounds clean.  

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